- I don't want to talk about him, it hurts, - says Igor. And then he pushes his mother away and runs to his room.

- Igor, open the door, but if you don't want to, let me just talk to you, - the mother sinks to the floor near her son's room. And after a minute he continues.

- It hurts everyone a lot when someone dies, it's hard for me too, and for your sister, she's smaller than you. Let's remember something good about father together. For example, how he always bought the same ice cream, even though everyone likes different things. So that no one is offended and does not eat someone else's food. Or how we traveled to the sea, and he forgot his suitcase at home, and instead of the sea, we first went to the store. And here it is... once I asked him to buy you skates for the New Year, and he bought a bicycle... and said that it was better.

- and this is my best bike in the whole world...- Igor sobs, opens the room and hugs his mother. They cry together.

"Healing from pain is pain" (Rumi, from the book "Healing a broken heart after a war death. 100 practical tips for family and friends", Bonnie Carroll, Dr. Alan Wolfelt)

The second need for grief requires an understanding of loss - something we don't want to do. It is easier to avoid or stifle it than to face it.

- Only by accepting pain, you will be able to do it easily.

- It is necessary to slowly dose the acceptance of pain

- If you let in all the pain at once, it will be impossible to survive it

- For example, people with chronic physical pain are taught to relax and accept pain in the present moment. If something is resisted, then this phenomenon tends to intensify even more.

- So don't fight or avoid, take it in portions and move as if you are moving from darkness to light.

Tip of the day: Embrace the pain today. How exactly? Sit and think about it for 15 minutes. And share this practice with someone who isn't trying to turn you away, but is, on the contrary, willing to talk to you about loss too.

Author: Kateryna Leonova